Entering the "Mine" field

Well, the first visit to Dad's house went well. We all survived intact and I found some things to do to occupy my time without my little one. Unfortunately, none of those things were at all productive! I can see that there is definitely going to be a few days of transition time needed when my son comes back from his dad's house, although I have a feeling that is to be expected with any situation like that, whether he was visiting his father or his grandparents for a few days. What I have also discovered, however, is that my son now knows what "mine" is.

Up until just a few days ago, he has been a rather placid kid. I mean, he has energy coming out of his ears like any other toddler, but he's been pretty low key. Now just this week he has started using the word "mine" all the time. Everything is his and he won't take "No" for an answer. If he asks for something and I tell him "No", he simply asks louder. And louder and louder. I'm not entirely sure what to do about this behavior. Part of me thinks I should ignore it, and eventually he will learn not to do it because it doesn't get a reaction. That just doesn't feel right to me though. If you don't want a behavior to continue, you should nip it in the bud.

So today, we did time out. My son started acting up at dinner, as soon as I sat down at the table. He had been doing just fine, eating and drinking very nicely. Then as soon as I sat down he started hitting the table, throwing his cup, throwing food and being slightly awful. Now, I know that that's supposed to be a good sign, that he's comfortable doing that because he loves and trusts me, but I could live without it. So, I told him that if he didn't stop that behavior he was going to have a time out. And he hit the table again, so I picked him up and brought him to time out. I shut the door to the room part way and set the timer for 3 minutes, one minute for every year he is old. When the timer went off I went in and checked on him and asked him if he was ready to come out. He said "No come out. Sleep." Ok, great. But as I was leaving he began hitting his bed, so I set the timer for another 3 minutes and we did it again. When I checked on him again it was the same thing. "No come out. Sleep." So I left him in his bed for about 10 minutes, until I heard him saying "All done!"

When I went back to get him he asked for a piece of "green gum". Normally gum isn't an issue, but it was dinner time and he had already had several pieces of gum today so I told him no. He asked several more times, getting progressively louder and louder. I told him each time that he could not have green gum right now, keeping my voice calm and quiet. Finally I told him he could not have any green gum and if he yelled again his time out would continue. "GREEN GUUUUUUUM!!!!!" So, I turned around and walked out of the room and again set the timer for 3 minutes.

This did seem to work and green gum wasn't an issue for the rest of the night. Then the "mine"'s started. Everything on the table was "mine". He would take things without asking and run away with them, and when we would try to tell him who it did belong to it was "No mama's. Mine." I swear, I want to pull out my hair. There is no logic for a 3 year old. And the worst part is, you can watch him and know when he's testing you. You can see it on his face, and watch the wheels turn in his head. It is immensely frustrating, because he's 3, and he's learning, and he's doing exactly what all children at his age do, I am just sometimes at a loss as to how I can cope with it.

If anyone has any fabulous ideas about how to deal with the "mine" phase, or this testing phase in general, please let me know!!

I am currently reading a book called "How to make your children mind without losing yours" and I am hoping for a little salvation!

Laura K.